This post doesn’t discuss a holiday, a specific day, or anything related to a time or occasion. It does, however, address a big part of substance use disorder: forgiveness.
As you probably know, 12 step programs require participants to go through a series of steps. Some of these steps require people to make a list of people they’ve harmed and to make amends for these harmful actions.
As you also know, making amends is a fancy term for asking for forgiveness. Saying “I’m sorry,” sounds so simple, but it can be so difficult. We’re not talking about the “I’m sorry,” you utter if you accidentally step on someone’s foot, of course. It’s the “I’m sorry” that you say when you know you’ve hurt a person so badly that you don’t know if he or she will even accept your apology.
Feelings are difficult. You can’t just wave a magic wand to fix how someone feels, or to erase their bad memories. You have to be honest about yourself and willing to acknowledge the emotions and perspectives of others. Since we can’t control what other people are feeling and thinking, we have to accept them. Waiting is tough, especially in a society that seems to condition us to want immediate gratification.
Being vulnerable is tough. People sometimes drink too much alcohol or use drugs to avoid feeling vulnerable, to escape their feelings. But they can’t stay drunk or high forever, so they ultimately can’t avoid their feelings.
There are people who can help people examine their vulnerability and other feelings. These people can help others explore ways to acknowledge their feelings in positive, nondestructive ways, ways that don’t involve alcohol or drugs.
Just like forgiveness, the emotions of others, waiting, and vulnerability, exploring one’s feelings isn’t easy. But those options are easier—and much healthier—than alcohol and drug abuse.
