We’ve often heard about people who deal with things with a stiff upper lip. Other times, people have told other people to “man up” or “put on your big girl panties.”

Strength is admirable. So is putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to move forward, despite the obstacles and pain.

But these phrases also hint that yes, you should be strong, but you shouldn’t acknowledge your pain. Deal with it, yes, but don’t talk about it. Don’t spend time trying to analyze or address it.

Did your parents tell you that if you ignore someone who’s bothering you, that they would leave you alone, that the problem would go away? Although our parents are often right about many things, I think they might have been mistaken in this case.

Not acknowledging stuff doesn’t make our problems shrink, it just makes them grow. By not addressing the roots of our problems, we often turn to alcohol or drug abuse or other behaviors as ways to soothe our pain without ever analyzing what’s causing this pain. If we don’t know what’s causing the pain, the same triggers keep on producing the same reactions, which could lead us to abuse even more drugs or alcohol or to make other destructive decisions.

It’s not easy to admit that we have problems, but talking about our problems can do so much. For one, just sharing our feelings with someone can make us feel better. In addition, sharing with trained therapists can help us figure out why we’re hurting. They can help us develop strategies to deal with pain from the past and prevent such pain in the future.

These strategies can help us better understand ourselves, our relationships, and other aspects of our lives. Talking about your problems isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you’re strong and want to become even stronger.